The economy is terrible. At the beginning of the year, the politicians promised things would improve by the last quarter...

Well, I'm down to my last quarter and they haven't improved!

Waitress: Haven't they giving you a menu yet, mister?

Starving customer: Yes, but I finished that half an hour ago.

I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone...

I said, "The whole time."

Doctor: Are you still taking the cough medicine I gave you?

Patient: No, I tasted it and decided I'd rather have the cough.