Herman: Mother, can I change my name?

Mother: Why do you want to change your name?

Herman: Because Dad says that he’s going to spank me as sure as my name is Herman.

Policeman: What are you looking for, Mister, did you lose something?

Man: Yes, I lost my watch.

Policeman: Where did you lose it?

Man: On Tenth Street.

Policeman: But this is Twelfth Street.

Man: I know. But when I dropped it, it was still running.

“Doc, Doc!” the man yelled. “I’ve got cucumbers growing out of my ears!”

“My goodness!” exclaimed the doctor. “How did that happen?”

“Sure beats me. I planted carrots.”