Husband: Why can’t you make bread like my mother?
Wife: I would if you could make dough like your father!

Q: Under law, what is the maximum penalty for bigamy?
A: Two mothers-in-law.

One friend to another, “My husband is man of rate gifts.”
“That’s nice.”
“He hasn’t given me a present in twenty-five years of marriage…”

“I’m not at all satisfied with the evidence against you,” said the judge to the prisoner on trial, “so I shall find you not guilty. You are discharged.”
“Oh, good,” said the prisoner, “does that mean I can keep the money?”