Past Winners

Boyfriend: "Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Robert. I don't have a mansion like Gary. I don't have a Porsche like Martin. But I do love you and I want to marry you."

Girlfriend: "Oh dear, I love you too... what was that you said about Martin?"

Patient: "Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up... something to get me fired up and put me in a fighting mood. Did you put anything like that in this prescription?"

Doctor: "No, not in the prescription. You'll find that in the bill."

A lady went into a pet shop to buy a bird. She saw one that interested her. “What kind of bird is that?” she asked the salesman.

“That is a crunch bird,” he replied. Let me show you what he can do.

“Crunch bird, my paper!” the man ordered. The bird flew down and in one gulp ate up the sheet of paper.

“Crunch bird, my pencil!” The crunch bird swooped down and swallowed the pencil.

“He’s wonderful!” said the lady. “I’ll buy him.”

The lady brought the bird home. Her husband looked at the bird and wondered what kind of bird it was. He had never seen a bird quite like it before.

“That, my dear,” the wife boasted, “is a crunch bird.”

The husband scratched his head. “Crunch bird?” he said. “Crunch bird, my foot!”

I just killed a huge spider running across the floor with my shoe.

I don't care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe!