Past Winners

Two actuaries are duck hunting. They see a duck in the air and they both shoot.

The first actuary’s shot is 20 feet wide to the left.

The second actuary’s shot is 20 feet wide to the right.

The actuaries give each other high fives, because on average they shot it.

The internet connection at my farm is really sketchy...

So I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable WiFi!

Pilot: Pensacola Tower, Cessna 3798G is unfamiliar with the area, requests directions to the airport.

Tower: Cessna 3798G, Turn right to a heading of 360 for about 8 minutes, then left 270 for another 3 minutes, then to a heading of 170 and the airport will be 12 o’clock in 5 minutes, cleared to land runway 17.

Pilot: Pensacola Tower, Isn’t that the airport at 12 o’clock?

Tower: Yes! You can actually continue your current course and land on runway 26, airport is 12 o’clock, 8 miles!!

Pilot: Then why did you have me going the long way around the airport?

Tower: Because you asked for directions, not the quickest route.

I recently got a catalog from a company I wasn't familiar with. Not wanting to be cheated I sent them a letter saying, "With all the fraud and misrepresentation I don't know who to trust. Send me the merchandise and if it's any good I'll send you a check."

A week later I got a letter back from the company saying, "We have the same problem you have. Send us a check. If it's any good we'll send you the merchandise."