Past Winners

Two old friends meet passing on the street one day. But one seemed hopeless, and almost on the verge of tears.

His friend asked, "What has the world done to you?"

The sad man said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars."

"That's not bad."

"But you see, two weeks ago, a cousin I never even knew kicked the bucket, and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear."

"Sounds like you should be grateful..."

"You don't understand!" he interrupted. "Last week my great-aunt passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a million."

Now the friend was really confused. "Then, why are you so sad?"

"This week... nothing!

What starts with an "O" and ends with "nions" and sometimes make you cry?

Opinions.

Little Johnny came home from school with a sofa slung across his back I'm and armchairs under his arms.

His father said, ”Little Johnny, I told you not to accept suites from strangers.”

A woman walked past a pet store and looked in and saw a parrot. The parrot said, “Hey lady, you sure are ugly.”

The lady was so upset that she ran inside and told the owner, “If your parrot says that about me again I will tell everyone I know that you are training your parrots to say mean things.”

The owner replied, “I promise you ma'am, my bird will never say those words to you again.”

The next day the lady came into the pet store and the parrot looked at the lady and said, “Hey lady, you know!”