Past Winners

My daughter was working for the American Embassy in Australia when she was expecting her first child. I was so happy when she texted me with the news.

"I'm a grandfather!" I said to my coworkers.

"When was she born?" somebody queried.

Recalling the date she told me, I thought for a minute and said in a calm voice, "Tomorrow!"

I don't know why most people think a dog's life is so easy.

Every time I come home from work, I ask my dog how his day went.

He always says, "Rough!"

Q: What do you call a guy who never farts in public?

A: A private tutor.

A man was crossing the road when he was hit by a car, which then sped off. A police officer asked the injured man, ”Did you get a look at the driver?”

”No,” he said, “but I can tell you it was my ex-wife.”

“How do you know that?” asked the officer.

“I’d recognize her laugh anywhere!”