Past Winners

“Are you making any New Year’s Resolutions?” my friend asked.

“Yes. I’ve resolved to stop playing so much polo,” I remarked.

“Since when have you been playing polo?"

“Never. But I figured that is one resolution I could keep!”

The definition of a "gimme" in golf can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers...

Neither of whom can putt very well.

​

Little Timmy loved his dog Laddie very much; they played together every day and Laddie was always there to greet Timmy when he came home from school.

One day, while Timmy was at school, Laddie crawled under the fence, ran out into the street and was hit by a car and killed. Timmy's mother, naturally, was very distressed, not only by the matter itself but from wondering how she was going to explain this to Timmy. As Timmy walked through the door a few moments later, his mother mustered up her courage to speak to him.

"Son, I have bad news. Laddie is dead."

Timmy paused thoughtfully for a moment, shrugged, then said, "So, what's for lunch, Ma? I'm starved."

"My, what a brave little boy you are!" his mother replies with relief. "You're certainly taking Laddie's death well."

Upon hearing this, Timmy suddenly bursts into tears, his body racking with sobs, and says, "I thought you said Daddy."

My aunt's neighbor in New York had a beautiful black cat, named Felix, who spent his days outside and came indoors at night.

One cool October evening, he disappeared. The neighbor searched for him in vain for several days. The following spring, however, Felix reappeared, looking healthy and clean. She figured he's been out sowing his wild oats.

Everything was back to normal until that autumn, when Felix disappeared again. The next spring, he returned. Perplexed, my aunt's friend began asking neighbors for clues. Finally, she rang the bell of an older couple who lived down the street. "A black cat?" the woman said. "Oh, yes! My husband and I hated to see him out in the cold, so we bought a cat carrier. We take him to Florida with us every winter."