Past Winners

While fixing his roof, a man fell off of the ladder. After meeting with his wife later, he told her that four ribs were broken.

"Four ribs broken?!" she gasps. "Which hospital did you go to?"

"I didn't have to go to the hospital." he replies. His wife stares in perplexity. "Four broken ribs and you didn't have to go to the hospital?"

"No, it was the fella I landed on who broke four ribs."

My mate recently got divorced from his wife.

They decided to split the house.

He got the outside.

A statistics major was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a True/False test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers. The stats professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin... writing the answer... flipping the coin... writing the answer.

At the end of the two hours, everyone else had left the final except for the one student. The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the student, saying: "Listen, I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test, you didn't even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer, what is taking you so long?"

The student replies bitterly, as he is still flipping the coin: "Shhh! I am checking my answers!"

I took Buzz Lightyear Christmas shopping with me.

We went to Bed, Bath & Beyond!