Past Winners

We put our dog on a vegan diet, and she's doing really well...

She's eaten two so far.

For his birthday, Little Johnny's parents gave him a bowl of goldfish. His mother carefully explains to him how much responsibility comes with owning a pet and tells him to make sure he remembers to give the fish the care they need every day.

Johnny is responsible with the fish for about one week, after which he begins forgetting to look after them, leaving his parents to feed the fish and clean the tank. After a couple of days, Johnny's mom and dad bring the issue up to him.

"Now Johnny," says his mother. "You have to be more responsible."

"Do you know how many times those fish would have died if we hadn't been there?" his father adds.

"Uhm, I don't know," Johnny replies. "Once?"

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams and Bruno Mars walk into a bar.

They didn't planet that way.

One Sunday afternoon, President Coolidge was returning to the White House after attending church. He had gone alone, so upon arrival Mrs. Coolidge inquired:

"Was the sermon good?"

"Yes," he answered.

"What was it about?"

"Sin."

"What did the minister say?"

"He was against it."