Past Winners

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the shepherd, "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"

The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies, "Okay."

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Website, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot
tables. He then prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer, turns to the shepherd and says, ‘'You have exactly 1,586 sheep."

The shepherd cheers, "That's correct, you can have your choicest sheep from the herd."

The young man takes one of the animals which he likes most and cute from the flock and puts it in the back of his Porsche. The shepherd looks at him and asks, "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"

The young man laughed and answers, "Yes, why not?"

The shepherd says, "You are an auditor."

"How did you know?" asks the young man.

"Very simple," answers the shepherd.

" First, you came here without being wanted. Secondly, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Thirdly, you don't understand anything about my business... now can I have my DOG back?"

My five-year-old son is crazy about cars so I took him to his first car show. He loved seeing all the different models and brands and gushed over the big engines, the colors, and even the wheels. But the car he was most impressed with was a hearse.

“Mom!” he shouted. “Look at all this storage!”

While volunteering in a soup kitchen, I hit it off with a very attractive, single man. It was a relief since my mother and I always laughed at the fact that the men I was drawn to were inevitably married.

So, optimistic about my chances, I asked my new friend what he did for a living.

He replied, “I’m a priest.”

Q: What do snowmen like to eat for breakfast?

A: Frosted Flakes!