Past Winners

"Can I have a cigarette?" Jill asked.

"I thought you quit smoking," Mary said

"I'm in the process of quitting," Jill said. "Right now I am in the middle of phase one."

"What's phase one?" Mary asked.

"I've quit buying," Jill replied.

With today's rapid advance in technology, we thought it important to bring to our readers' attention some new engineering conversions:

2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong

365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer: 1 lite-year

Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon

Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line. (think about it for a moment)

1000 aches: 1 kilohurtz

Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower

453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake

1 million microphones: 1 megaphone

10 cards: 1 decacards

1000 cubic centimeters of wet socks: 1 literhosen

2 monograms: 1 diagram

8 nickels: 2 paradigms

2000 mockingbirds: 2 kilomockingbird

Jake came rushing in to see his Dad. "Dad!" he puffed, "Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?"

"That's what they say," said his Dad.

"Well, give me an apple quick! I've just broken the doctor's window!"

A man was invited to a wedding. When he reached the hotel, he found two doors written on them...
1.Bride relatives
2.groom relatives

He entered the groom door and found two doors again.
1. Ladies
2. Men

He entered men door and found two doors again.
1.People with gifts
2.People without gifts

He entered the second door (people without gifts )... He found himself outside the hotel.