Past Winners

As you slide down the Banister of Life, also pray that all the splinters are pointed the other way.

My idea of a SUPER BOWL is a toilet that cleans itself...

I received a call from a gentleman that indicated he had stolen my ID...

He said he was RETURNING it because my credit was soooooo bad.

The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother", the nuns pleaded, "Please give us some wisdom before you die."

She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow."