Past Winners

Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?"

The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me."

The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."

Due to a job transfer, Brian moved from his hometown to New York City. Being that he had a very comprehensive health history, he brought along all of his medical paperwork when it came time for his first check up with his new doctor. The doctor kept glancing at Brian as he reviewed the medical paperwork.

After browsing through the extensive medical history, the doctor stared at Brian for a few moments and said, ” Well there’s one thing I can say for certain, you sure look better in person than you do on paper!”

The judge asked the defendant to please stand. "You are charged with cutting down a tree without having permission to do so, using a chain saw."

From out in the gallery, a woman shouts, "Lying miser!"

"Silence in the court!" the Judge says. He turns to the defendant and says, "You are also charged with cutting a hedge in a protected area using an electric hedge trimmer."

"You tightwad!" the same woman in the gallery blurted out.

"I said QUIET!" yelled the judge. To the defendant, "You are also charged with using an electric drill outside your house during night hours."

"You good for nothing..." the woman from the gallery yelled.

The judge thundered at the woman: "If you don't tell me right now the reasons for your outbursts I'll hold you in contempt!"

The woman answered, "I've lived beside that man for ten years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one!"

The owner of a company tells his employees, “You worked very hard this year, therefore the company’s profits increased dramatically. As a reward, I'm giving everyone a check for $5,000!”

Thrilled, the employees gather round and high five one another.

“And if you work with the same zeal next year, I'll sign those checks!”