Past Winners

Two ducks are in a pond. One went "Quack quack!" and the other duck said, "That's funny, I was just about to say that!" 

What did one ear say to the other?

Nothing, ears don't talk they listen!

(Father) Your mother tells me your first prom dance is coming up!
(Son) Yes, but I don’t think I’m going. What if I ask a girl and she says no?
(Father) Son, never fear rejection. Just keep asking until some nice young lady accepts your invitation.

(Son) Did you go to your first prom dance?
(Father) I sure did and I never let rejection hold me back!

(Son) Does this mean the first girl you asked said no?
(Father) Yes. In fact, many said no but I didn’t give up.

(Son) Did you have fun?

(Father) I sure did! And if you don’t believe me, ask your Aunt Suzy, we had a ball.

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.

"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.

"That is the talking clock", the man replied.

"How's it work?" the friend asked.

"Watch", the man said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.

Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! It's two AM in the morning!