Past Winners

Want a diet that is guaranteed to work?

Make a sandwich with spinach, kumquat and catfish. Drench it in jalapeño sauce and yogurt.

One look at it and you're not hungry for hours!

Mary, Anna, and Tess died and went to heaven. God warned them, "Do whatever you want, but don't step on the pink clouds." One day, Mary decided to go for a walk. When she came back, there was an ugly man next to her. Anna and Tess asked, "Where'd you get that ugly man?"

"I stepped on a pink cloud." The next day, Anna decided to go for a walk. When she came back, there was an ugly man next to her. Mary and Tess asked, "Where'd you get that ugly man?" "I stepped on a pink cloud."

The next day Tess decided to go for a walk. When she came back, there was a cute man standing next to her. Mary and Anna asked, "Where'd you get that cute man?"

The man said, "I stepped on a pink cloud."

A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.

Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore. Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?' "And so, here we are!"

Doctor: Your Liver is enlarged.

Patient: Does that mean it has space for more whisky?