Where do you find giant snails?
At the end of a giant's fingers.
A customer in a New York restaurant gushed to the chef, "Your veal parmigiana is superb! I spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I had over there."
"Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported!"
Why does the fast food outlet that is named after a daughter serve square hamburger patties?
Because they never cut corners!
Patron at a restaurant: "I refuse to eat this roast beef. Please call the manager!"
Waiter: "Well that won't change anything, he won't eat it either."