food jokes

Here's a quick guide to calorie-burning activities that do not require physical exercise, and the number of calories per hour they consume.

Beating around the bush - 75
Jumping to conclusions - 100
Passing the buck - 25
Throwing your weight around - 50-300 (depending on your weight)
Dragging your heels - 100
Pushing your luck - 250
Making mountains out of molehills - 500
Hitting the nail on the head - 50
Bending over backwards - 75
Jumping on the bandwagon - 200
Running around in circles - 350
Climbing the ladder of success - 750
Pulling out the stops - 75
Wrapping it up at the day's end - 12

To which you may want to add some additional activities, including:

Opening a can of worms - 50
Starting the ball rolling - 90
Putting your foot in your mouth - 300

And finally
Picking up the pieces after - 350

I was working on making Thanksgiving dinner.

I was stuffing the turkey and realized how much I dislike raw turkey and raw chicken.

Then I realized its because they are fowl.

My wife and I were dining out at a nice restaurant. I overheard the couple at the next table discussing their bill.

"Well Mary," said the man, "near as I can figure, based on the price of the ham dinner you just ate, we've got a hog back on the farm worth at least $137,000."