misc jokes
Favorite this joke A cinema actor, suing for a breach of contract, described himself as the greatest actor in the world.
One of his friends took him to task for so loudly singing his own praises.
"I know," replied the actor, "it must have sounded somewhat conceited, but, remember, I was under oath."
Daughter: "Did you hear, dad, they have just caught the biggest hotel thief in New York!"
Dad: "What hotel did he run?"
It's Never Too Late For Love...
FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim,5'-4" (used to be 5-6), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six- unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flossier to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
The British Ambassador walked briskly into the foyer of a magnificent Washington hotel and stopped for a moment to speak with one of the bright-buttoned Bellmen in he lobby. After he walked on, an assistant manager who had witnessed the incident, went over to the bellman and said, "What did the Ambassador want?"
"I don't know," answered the bellman. "He couldn't speak an ounce of English."
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