Best Jokes

An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her lounge chair. He spoke softly to her, "Honey, can you hear me?"

There was no response.

He moved a little closer and said again, "Honey, can you hear me?"

Still, there was no response.

Finally he moved right behind her and said, "Honey, can you hear me?"

She replied, "For the third time, Yes!"

Grandpa and Grandma were living with their son and daughter-in-law. Grandpa noticed that his son had a bottle of Viagra and asked if he could have one.

His son said, "Dad, I don't think you should take one, they're very strong and expensive."

Grandpa said, "I know, but I want to try one. How much are they?"

His son replied, "$30 each."

Grandpa only had a $50 bill but was going to the bank. He told his son that he would leave $30 under his pillow that night.

The next morning his son found $130 under his pillow and said, "Dad, I told you it was only $30. There's $130 under my pillow!"

Grandpa said, "That's ok, the other $100 is from Grandma!"

A man goes to see his doctor. When he sits down the examining room, he has a green bean in each nostril, a carrot in one ear and a zucchini in the other.

He says, “Doc, I don’t feel well.”

The doctor looks and him and replies, “That's because you’re not eating well.”

Joey goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Hello, could you give me condom please? I'm going to my girlfriend's place for dinner and I think I may be getting lucky tonight."

The Pharmacist gives him the condom but as soon as he does Joey tells him, "Give me another condom because my girlfriends sister is also very cute too and always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when I am around, I think I might get lucky with her too."

The Pharmacist gives him another condom and as he was about to leave Joey returned and requested for a third.

"My girlfriend's mom is really cute and she always makes eye contact when I'm around and since she invited me for dinner I think she might be expecting me to make a move."

During the dinner Joey sits down with his girlfriend on the right, her sister on the left and her mom facing him. When the dad walks in. Joey lowers his and starts the dinner prayer.

"Dear Lord bless this dinner and thank you for all you've given us..." Ten minutes later Joey is still praying. His girlfriend now surprised gets close to him and whispers, "I didn't know you where this religious."

Joey with his head still bowed in prayer replied "I never knew your dad was a Pharmacist!"