Best Jokes

Teacher: At the end of this ruler is a stupid student (pointing at student).

Narrator: The student got detention for say "Which end?"

A couple went to the psychiatrist with their twins, as they seemed to be completely opposite. The doctor noted that one was a Pessimist and one was an optimist.

He put the pessimist in a room filled with new toys. He then, put the optimist in a room full of horse poop.

After a period of time, they looked into the pessimist's room and he was stepping on and breaking all the toys, saying, "I don't like these....none of them!"

They went to the optimist's room that was full of manure, about chest deep and found the little boy yelling, "Whee! Whee!", and throwing handfuls of manure up in the air.

They asked him why he was doing that and he replied, "With all this horse poop in here, there's bound to be a pony somewhere!"

So every morning a husband would wake up in the morning and pass gas really loud. The wife told him one day if you keep that up you are going fart out your guts.

The husband said no way it is impossible. Well this went on for along time.

Finally the wife was cooking Thanksgiving dinner and while she was taking all the guts out of the bird she had an Idea. She sneaked in there bedroom and stuffed all the turkey guts in his underwear.

The next morning she heard him wake up and fart really loud. After that it was quiet for some time.

Then her hubby came down and said, "You where right I did fart out my guts. But thank goodness I was able stuff them all back in!"

What do you call a cheeky big foot?
A Sassy-squatch

*bu dum tss*