Best Jokes

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Her parents divorced, but that never stopped her from wanting to get married. Her mother had found the perfect dress to wear. A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother. Jennifer asked her stepmother to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress and I'm wearing it," she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."

A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."

Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner, the night before the wedding."

When Mary was pregnant, her five year old, Billy, was utterly amazed and a little bit disbelieving that his sister was growing in his mom's tummy. So one day when the baby was especially active, she asked Billy to place his tiny hands on her tummy to feel the baby kick.

But when he did, the baby was suddenly still. "Oh, Billy, she must have decided to take a nap," shrugged his mother.

"A nap?" Billy marveled. "You mean there's a bed in there too?”

A penguin walks into a bar. He goes to the counter and asks the bartender, "Have you seen my brother?"

Bartender replies, "I don't know, what does he look like?"

Teacher: Johnny what do you want to be when you grow up?

Johnny: Either an animal Vet or a Taxidermist.

Teacher: Why did you choose such different careers?

Johnny: Well, either way you get your dog back.