Best Jokes

A very nervous man, accompanied by his nagging wife, was examined by a doctor.

After checking the chart, the doctor nodded and wrote the man a prescription for a powerful tranquilizer.

The man asked, "How often do I take these?"

"Let's start off with one every six hours. But they're not for you," replied the doctor. "They're for your wife."

A young woman, pursuing a graduate degree in art history, was going to Italy to study the country's greatest works of art. Since there was no one to look after her grandmother while she was away, she took the old lady with her.

At the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican, she pointed to the painting on the ceiling. "Grandma, it took Michelangelo a full four years to get that ceiling painted."

"Oh my, "the grandmother says. "He and I must have the same landlord."

How many bureaucrats does it take to put in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure everyone that everything possible is being done while the other inserts the bulb into the water faucet.

My wife asked me to get her a birthday gift that was black and silver and went from 0 to 200 in six seconds.

I got her a new bathroom scale... that's when the fighting really started.