Best Jokes

After moving to Tennessee, I was looking for a new veterinarian for my dog.

I found one close by and booked an appointment for him.

Arriving at the office, I saw this sign on the door: "Veterinarian/Taxidermist. Either way, you get your pet back."

How do you know when a kid watches too much TV?

When you ask a five-year-old what sound a duck makes, and they answer, "AFLAC!"

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

I laughed at their chalk outline.

Officer: You were speeding.

Man: No, I wasn't.

Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.

Man: But I wasn't speeding.

Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)

Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?

Officer: Yes, you would.

Man: What if I just thought that you were?

Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.

Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk.