Best Jokes

One evening I was in a bar talking to my friend.

"Last night, while I was out drinking, a burglar broke into my house.."

"Did he get anything?" asked my friend.

"Yes," I said.

"A broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs. My wife thought it was me coming home drunk!"

Boy to boy: 1 minute
Boy to dad: 30 seconds

Boy to mom: 2 minutes
Boy to girl: 1 hour

Girl to girl: 2 hours
Girl to boy: 1 Missed call

Husband to wife: 15 seconds
Wife to husband: 15 missed calls

Why is the nose in the middle of your face?

Because it is the scenter!

Why was the robot upset?

Everyone was pushing its buttons.