Best Jokes

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift...

But I couldn't find a manual.

A friend and I were in a bar fight with the bar bully.

We took him to court for medical costs for stitches and a concussion when he hit my buddy with a beer bottle.

The judge asked him what he had to say for himself. He said, "Your honor, I only used a lite beer!"

Why is a kangaroo like a pool table?

They both have side pockets!

Three men appear in court, on charges of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park. The judge asks the first defendant, "What were you doing?"

"Oh, just throwing peanuts in the pond."

The judge asks the second gentleman, "And what were you doing?"

"I was throwing peanuts in the pond, too."

"Sounds harmless," says the judge. He turns to the third person, "And you, were you throwing peanuts in the pond as well?"

"No, sir. I AM Peanuts!"