Best Jokes

A Texan walks in to a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. Ill give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texans offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me asking, where did you go for those 30 minutes you were gone?"

The Irishman replies, "Oh, I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."

At school, Little Johnny’s teacher is explaining the meaning of the word instinct to the class.

Little Johnny isn’t paying attention, so the teacher asks him what does instinct mean.

Little Johnny says, “It’s when the person in front of you farts.”

Did you know that camel cigarettes are mentioned in the Bible?

Genesis 24:64 (KJV)

And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel.
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Honda cars are also in the Bible! They’re so quiet, they’re good for praying in.

Acts 1:14 (KJV)

These all continued with one accord in prayer and supplication, with the women, and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brethren.

First Assistant: "So what dimensions do the doors, hinges, walls, and locks need to be so that everything fits?"

Person who invented the first public bathroom stall: "Ah, don't worry about that. Can't stress enough how unimportant that part is."