Best Jokes

I just found out what a honeymooner's sandwich is!

It's "lettuce alone" with no bread.

From a store clerk:
"The computerized cash register is down. I'll just add up your purchases with a pencil and paper."

"I'll take a break after I finish waiting on these customers."

"We're sorry we sold you defective merchandise. We'll pick it up at your home and bring you a new one or give you a complete refund, whichever you prefer."


From my doctor:
"Of course I'll come by your house to check on you."

"Give me a call at home over the weekend if you're not feeling better."

"Sure, come on by this afternoon, we'll work you in."

"I'll call ahead and let them know the most you will pay for that test."

"Here, take these samples."

"Don't worry about it, there's no charge for that."

"I recommend you get a second opinion."

What do ghosts need to build a house?

A “boo” print!

A mother was visiting her son on an Army base, and chatted with a colleague of his.

"What rank are you?" she asked.

"I'm relieved to say that I've just been promoted from captain to major."

"Why relieved?"

"Because," he replied, "my last name is Hook."