One day in basic training the drill sergeant came out and said, "I need two volunteers for garbage duty."
When no one spoke up the drill sergeant pointed to two privates and said, "Okay, you and you!"
One of the privates said, "But I didn't volunteer?"
"Were you drafted?" the drill sergeant asked.
"No," said the private.
The drill sergeant smiled and said, "That's right, you volunteered."
"Excuse me," a young fellow said to an older man, "I've just moved here and I wonder if this town has any criminal lawyers?"
"Well," replied the older man, "I have lived here all my life and all I can tell you is we are pretty sure we do, but no one has been able to prove it yet."