Latest Jokes

An elderly couple go to church every Sunday. During the weekly sermon, the old man would occasionally nod off as the preacher talked. Whenever the old man nodded off, his wife would poke him with her hat pin.

As the preacher was saying, "Who created the Heavens and the Earth?", the old man nodded off. His wife poked him and he shouted, "God Almighty!" The preacher answered, "Amen, brother."

Ten minutes later, as the preacher was saying, "Who died on the cross for our sins?", the old man nodded off again. His wife poked him and he shouted, "Jesus Christ!" The preacher answered, "Amen, brother."

Ten more minutes pass, as the preacher was saying, "What did Eve say to Adam after their first child was born?", the old man opened his eyes, looked at his wife as she was about to poke him again and said, "You stick that damn thing in me one more time and I'm gonna break it off!"

Q: What sound does a piano make when you drop it down a mine shaft?
A: A flat miner!

A snail goes to buy a car and looks at several models. He looks a the 'z' car, an 'x' car, and an 's' car.

He decides to buy the 's' car.

Now when he drives down the street, everyone says look at that 's'-car-go!

A young man walks up to a park bench where an elderly gentleman is quietly weeping asks if he is OK. The old guy says, "yes, I am great"! I am in love with a beautiful 25 year old model who adores me. She cooks all my meals and we make sweet love nearly everyday".

The young man asks, "So why are YOU crying"?

The old guy says, "I can't remember where I live...."