Past Winners

An extremely vain sorceress zoomed into the local dollar store on her broom, fuming from head-to-toe. “Which one of you morons is responsible for putting my name on your product without my permission? I’m going to turn you into a toad!”

A shuddering young clerk bravely came forward— “I’m extremely sorry ma'am; I honestly thought Witch Hazel was an approved product.”

“You idiot,” screamed the hag. “I’m talking about the Barbie doll!”

Why couldn't the sesame seed leave the gambling casino?

Because he was on a roll.

Why are cats such good bakers?

Because they make everything from scratch.

Offerings had been down the past several Sundays and the preacher decided he had to do something to change the trend. The next Sunday, as the plate was being passed he said, "Brothers and Sisters, I don't like to have to do this, but there is a man in the congregation who is having an affair with another parishioner's wife, and if there is not at least five dollars in the collection, I will reveal his name."

Later, as he counted the money he found 20 five dollar bills, and a two dollar bill with a note that read, "Forever hold your peace, I'll have that other three dollars before sundown!"