Past Winners

A camel with two humps is a Bactrian camel.

A camel with one hump is a dromedary camel.

What do you call a camel with no humps?

Humphrey, of course!

Ed: How old is your brother?

Ted: He’s a year old.

Ed: Huh! I’ve got a dog a year old and he can walk twice as well as your brother.

Ted: Sure, your dog has twice as many legs.

A motorcycle cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.

The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the ultra sticky kind. Written in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon! Luv, from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week!"

The other day, I rang the Speaking Clock. It said, “What's the matter, can't you afford a watch? Are you too lazy to lift your arm up, you idiot?“

It was Greenwich Mean Time.