Past Winners

At my friends' wedding reception, the groom stood to say a few words. He turned to his bride's mother. "You've given me a gift," he began, "a gift that..."

Here he paused in thought, whereupon his mother-in-law completed the sentence, "That you can't return!"

I hate telling people I'm a taxidermist.

If they ask what I do, I answer, "You know, stuff."

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: A grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

Paul: What are you making?

Arthur: A brilliant new invention.

Paul: Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Arthur: Go ahead and laugh. They laughed at Edison, they laughed at Bell, they laughed at Geck.

Paul: Who's Geck?

Arthur: You mean you never heard of Charles Geck?
.
Paul: No, what did he invent?

Arthur: Nothing, but they sure laughed at him.