Past Winners

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.

The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France."

The new man asked, "What happened?"

"One day Riley reported his credit cards missing."

Little Johnny was celebrating his birthday soon. His father asked him what he would like for his birthday. Without hesitation Johnny said, "A spider." His father was somewhat incredulous, so he asked him again. "I really want a spider," responded Johnny.

Well, his father went to the pet store and asked the salesperson, "Do you sell spiders?"

"We sure do," was the response.

"How much do they cost?"

"$50.00," said the clerk.

Somewhat taken aback, Johnny's father said, "That's too expensive. I'm sure I can find something cheaper on the web."

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?

A can't opener.

Q: What do you call Cardi B on a treadmill?

A: Cardi O.