Past Winners

I gave my father $100 and said, “Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.”

So he went out and bought a present for my mother.

All my husband wanted was to pay for some batteries, but none of the clerks in the electronics store seemed interested in helping him.

"I've got an idea," I said and pulled a tape measure out of my purse. I stepped over to one of the giant plasma-screen TVs and started to measure it.

Faster than you can say high definition, a young man came running over. "May I help you?" he asked breathlessly.

"Yes," I said. "I'd like to buy these batteries."

A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news: "There is no easy way to say this so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent death this year."

Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.

She met the Tarot reader's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I get away with it?"

The CEO of a large cooperation was giving advice to a junior executive. "I was young, married and out of work," he lectured. "I took the last nickel I had and bought an apple. I polished it and sold it for a dime. The next day I bought two apples, polished them and sold them for ten cents each."

"I see," said the junior executive. "You kept reinvesting your money and grew a big business."

"No," said the CEO. "Then my wife's father died and left me a fortune."