Past Winners

A friend of mine one day hadn’t eaten in over twelve hours. He says to me, “Man, I’m hungry!”

I quickly reply, “I thought your name was Alfred, not hungry?"

“Why doesn’t your mother like me?” a woman asks her boyfriend.

“Don’t take it personally,” he assures her. “She’s never liked anyone I’ve dated. I once dated someone exactly like her, and that didn’t work out at all.”

“What happened?”

“My father couldn’t stand her.”

Two Irishmen are traveling to Australia. Before they leave home, one of the dads gives them both a bit of advice. "You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They'll rob you blind. Don't you go paying them what they ask. You haggle."

At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, "That'll be twenty dollars, lads."

"Oh no you don't! My dad warned me about you. You'll only be getting fifteen dollars from me," says one of the men.

"And you'll only be getting fifteen from me too!" adds the other.

My wife calls me handsome...

Every payday she says to me, "Hand some over!"