Past Winners

I walk into a bar and ask the bartender for a Screwdriver.

He disappears and reappears twenty minutes later with a Philips Head screwdriver.

I look at him aghast and say, “What would you have done if I asked for a Bloody Mary?”

It's the day before Thanksgiving and the butcher is just locking up when a man pounds on the door. "Please let me in," says the man, "I forgot to buy a turkey and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one."

"Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what's left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.

"That one's too skinny. What else have you got"? says the man. The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes then brings the same turkey back out to the man.

"Oh no," says the man, "that one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them."

Boy to boy: 1 minute
Boy to dad: 30 seconds

Boy to mom: 2 minutes
Boy to girl: 1 hour

Girl to girl: 2 hours
Girl to boy: 1 Missed call

Husband to wife: 15 seconds
Wife to husband: 15 missed calls

If your name is on the building, you’re rich...

If your name is on your desk, you’re middle-class...

If your name is on your shirt, you’re neither of the first two!