Past Winners

An old man walked into a car showroom and found the car he wanted to buy. He requested that the salesman not sell the particular model till the next day, since he wanted to buy it on his birthday.

The salesman gave his word. The next day the old man visited the showroom only to find the car being sold to a young lady. The young lady looked really gorgeous. The old man asked the salesman, "I told you to keep this car on hold. Not only didn't you keep your word, you also sold it at a discounted rate."

The salesman replied, "She insisted to buy only this car, and with a discount. Look how beautiful she is? How could I say no to her?"

The young lady walked up to the old man, gave the car keys to him and said, "Didn't I tell you they'd give me a discount? Happy birthday Dad!"

Me: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Stranger: "To get to the other side."

Me: "No. To get the Chicken Newspaper. You get it?"

Stranger: "No."

Me: "I don't get it either... I get The Miami Herald."

Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where they gave him a series of tests to determine the source of the pain.

My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone.

I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?"

With an alarmed look, the nurse quickly said, "Ma'am, he's not THAT sick!"

I loaned $10,000 to my (former) best friend to get plastic surgery.

I haven't heard from him in nine months, and now I don't know what he looks like.