Past Winners

I received a letter saying I would not be given the American Express credit card I requested because my income wasn’t substantial enough.

Oddly enough, I work for American Express.

During basic training, our drill sergeant asked for a show of hands of all Jewish personnel. Six of us raised our hands. Much to our relief, we were given the day off for Rosh Hashanah.

A few days later in anticipation of Yom Kippur, the drill sergeant again asked for all Jewish personnel to ID themselves. This time, every soldier raised his hand.

"Only the personnel who were Jewish last week can be Jewish this week," declared the sergeant.

After he lost a lot of money at a blackjack table in the casino, a customer stood up and yelled, "How do you lose $200 at a $2 table?!"

Before I could speak, another customer replied, "Patience... a whole lot of patience."

"Our topic for today is photosynthesis," began the professor. She looks at the class, points to John and asks, "What is photosynthesis?"

John replies, "Photosynthesis is our topic today!"