Past Winners

What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are usually wanted.

A fellow tries to cross the Mexican border on a bicycle with two big bags balanced on his shoulders. The guard asks, "What's in the bags?"

The fellow says, "Sand!"

The guard wants to examine them. The fellow gets off the bike, places the bags on the ground, opens them up, and the guard inspects... only to find sand. The fellow packs the sand, places the bags on his shoulders, and pedals the bike across the border.

Two weeks later, the same situation is repeated... "What have you there?"

"Sand"

"We want to examine." Same results... nothing but sand and the fellow is on his way again.

Every two weeks for six months the inspections continue. Finally, one week the fellow didn't show up. However, the guard sees him downtown and says to the fellow, "Buddy, you had us crazy. We sort of knew you were smuggling something. I won't say anything, but what were you smuggling?"

The fellow says, "Bicycles."

While shopping in the produce department of the local grocery store, a demanding customer asked to have a watermelon cut in half.

I told the lady that we don't normally do this. After being pushed for about five minutes, I took the melon to the backroom and said to my co-worker John, "I need this cut in half so this mean lady can buy it."

I did not know that she had followed me to the backroom. I turned around and quickly said, "And this lady would like the other half!"

NEWS BROADCASTER:
Today in London, British Rockers Pete Townsend and Rodger Daltry, of the band The Who, broke into a Veterinary Hospital.

It it reported they set free all the Rottweilers and Pitt Bulls.

Police in Scotland Yard stated, "They now know that 'The Who' let the dogs out!"