Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
Who’s the genius that called it a “will” and not a “dead giveaway”?
I took a stuffed dog to the Antiques Roadshow and was told, "This is extremely rare. Do you know what it would fetch in good condition?"
"Dunno," I said. "A stick?"
I'm not saying that I'm a bad driver...
But when I drive, my navigation device doesn't speak, it prays in Latin.