misc jokes

A heavy set man went to buy a loaf of bread at the local grocery store. When he got home he saw that the bread was already sliced so the man returned to the store and demanded his money back.

“How did you know how thick I wanted my bread sliced!!!!” yelled the man to the grocery store owner.

The grocery store owner yelled back to the heavy set man, ”If I had known how big you were, I would have had them slice it even thinner!!!”

John to librarian: "l want the book named 'Psycho The Rapist'".

The librarian searched for 2 hrs, then came back, slapped John and said, "Idiot the book name is 'Psychotherapist'."

There were three idiots who were in another country and they didn't know the language. They decided that they would go to the local village and they would each learn one new phrase.

So they went to the village, and the first idiot was watching a girl sing, "Me,me,me,me,me!!" So that was the first idiot's phrase.

The second idiot saw a street vendor who was selling silverware and who was saying "Forks and knifes." And that was the second idiot's phrase.

The third idiot went to a park and saw a boy saying, "Swing me first!" And that was the third idiot's phrase.

The three idiots met back and were about to tell each other their new phrases when a policeman ran up and said, "There has been a murder. Who did it?"

The idiots decided to use their new phrases, so the first one said, "Me,me,me,me,me!"

The policeman said, "What was the murder weapon?" The second idiot said, "Forks and knifes."

The policeman said, "Y'all are going to have to hang for this." The third idiot said, "Swing me first!"

A Lady is driving for the first time on an expressway.

Her husband calls on her cell and says, " Be careful my love, I just heard on the radio, that some one is driving opposite to the traffic on the expressway!"

She replied, "Someone...? These rascals are in Hundreds!".