misc jokes

A trainee was working in the produce section of a supermarket when a customer asked him for a half a head of lettuce. The employee went into the back and told the manager that some jerk wants a half a head of lettuce. Just as the trainee says this to his manager he sports the customer out of the corner of his eye standing right next to him.

He quickly says to the manager "and this gentleman would like the other half."

A man jumps from a plane and as he descends pulls his parachute only nothing happens so he pulls his reserve and still no luck so as he contemplates flapping his arms like a bird when he spies a man coming up towards him.

Calling out to the man “DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PARACHUTES?”

The other man replies “NO! DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT GAS COOKERS?”

I spotted several pairs of men’s Levi’s at a garage sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head.

“I’m still wearing the 33s,” he said. “Come back next year.”

A man called, furious about an Orlando Florida vacation package a Travel Agency had booked for him. He was expecting an ocean-view hotel room.

The Travel Agency explained that was not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.

“Don’t lie to me,” he said. “I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state.”