misc jokes

Jack and his friend walk into a restaurant when they happen to bump into the Jack’s former teacher.

Introducing his teacher, Jack says, “This is Mr. Miller, my high school teacher who always used to correct me and taught me everything I know.”

“Young man,” said Mr. Miller, “you mean I taught you everything you didn’t know, don’t you? I’m not in the habit of teaching students what they already know.”

Shipwreck Diary...

Day 1: Alone, doing well. Mentally Sound. Met a crab.

Day 2: I have married the crab.

Day 3: I have eaten my wife.

Our catering manager lacks certain social skills...like knowing when to keep her mouth shut. While discussing a baby christening party with a young couple, she told the mother, "You look like you've lost most of your pregnancy weight."

"Thanks," came the clenched-teeth reply. "We adopted."

A tired traveler pulls into a hotel around midnight. Very tired after a long day's trip, he asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills out the paperwork, the man looks around and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting in the lobby. He tells the clerk to wait, and he disappears into the lobby.

After a minute he comes back, with the woman on his arm. “Fancy meeting my 'wife' here,” he says to the clerk. “Guess I will need a double room for the night.”

The next morning, he comes to settle his bill, and finds the amount to be over $3000. “What is the meaning of this?” he yells at the clerk. “I have only been here for one night!”

“Yes,” says the clerk, “but your 'wife' has been here for three weeks!”