relationship jokes

A friend of mine was telling me that his girlfriend asked him if he would like to spend the weekend watching football games, eating chicken wings, and drinking beer.

This excited my friend because he thought he had found the perfect mate, so he responded with a "YES!" with great enthusiasm.

The girlfriend responded, "Perfect, because I am breaking up with you."

A couple is lying in bed.

The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

The woman replies, "I'll miss you!"

The young man at the flower shop was taking an unusually long time to place his order. When the clerk asked how she could help, he explained that his girlfriend was turning nineteen and he couldn't decide whether to give her a dozen roses or nineteen roses -- one for each year of her life.

The woman put aside her business judgment and advised, "She may be your nineteen-year-old girlfriend now, but someday she could be your fifty-year-old wife."

The young man bought a dozen roses.

I was meeting a friend in a bar and as I went in, I noticed two pretty girls looking at me.

"Nine," I heard one whisper as I passed.

Feeling pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him a girl had just rated me a nine out of ten.

"I don't want to ruin it for you," he said, "but when I walked in, they were speaking German."

"So what does 'nine' mean in German?"

"It means 'No'."