relationship jokes

When the new activities director for the rec center walked in, all us retirees quickly took notice. She was 20-something and gorgeous. My buddy whispered, “She makes me wish I was 30 years older.”

“Don’t you mean 30 years younger?” I asked.

“No. If I were 30 years younger, I’d still never have a chance with a woman like that. If I were 30 years older, it wouldn’t bother me so much.”

My girlfriend is impossible to buy for so I asked her best friend what I should get her for her birthday.

Best Friend: “Does she like you?”

Me: “Oh yes, I am positive she likes me!!!”

Best friend: “If she likes you, she’ll like anything.”

Him: "This article says women use about 30,000 words a day, whereas men only use 15,000 words."

Her: "That's probably because a woman has to say everything twice."

Him: "...What?"

I was supposed to go out with this guy on Saturday night. On Saturday afternoon he called and said that he didn’t think it was a good idea, because he just wanted to be friends.

So I hung up and called him back. He said, "Hello?"

I replied, "Hey, friend, it’s me. Want to hear what this jerk just did?"