Best Jokes

I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary!

I said, “Mark, my words!”

Me: "I think I have a crush on Beyoncé..."

Her: "Whatever floats your boat."

Me: "No, that’s buoyancy."

I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9...

The odds were against me.

On a recent flight to Chicago it seemed that all the departure times were coming and going.

I inquired to the ticket agent, "What good are the departure times?"

"Well," began the genial agent, "if it weren't for those posted departure times we'd have no way of finding out how late we depart."