Best Jokes

There once was a funeral for a woman who had often screamed at her husband, drove her kids half nuts, scrapped with the neighbors at the slightest opportunity, and even made their cat and dog crazy with her explosive temper.

As the casket was lowered into the grave, a violent thunderstorm broke, and the pastor's benediction was drowned out by a blinding flash of lightning, followed by terrific thunder.

"Well, at least we know she got there all right," commented her husband.

Never hit a man with glasses...

Use your fists instead.

After eating his entire meal, an elderly man motioned for the server. When the server approached him, he asked for the manager. He explained he would not pay for the meal.

The manager responded by contacting the police. When the police arrived, they heard the complaint. They responded to the senior, "You need to pay for your meal, Sir."

The man vehemently refused to pay. The frustrated police officer said, "But you ate the entire meal?"

The old man yelled back, "I kept hoping the next bite would be better."

My son and his wife stopped by Sunday unannounced to visit.

I wouldn't answer the door but I did hold up my new medicine container and pointed to the instructions.

Instructions read: "Take one tablet before bedtime and Keep away from children."