Best Jokes

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER:
"Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now, turn it off and get to bed!"

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER:
"Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER:
"But it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? OH! Styling gel, Mousse, Something...?"

COLUMBUS' MOTHER:
"I don't care what you've discovered, You still could have written!"

MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER:
"Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

I didn't realize how bad of a driver I was until my navigation system said:

"IN 400 FEET, DO A SLIGHT RIGHT, STOP, AND LET ME OUT."

"How much does it cost to buy a large singing group?"

“A choir?”

"Okay, fine... how much does it cost to 'acquire' a large singing group?"

At a psychiatrist's office:
- Do you consume alcohol?
- No.
- Do you smoke?
- No.
- Do you use drugs?
- No.
- Do you play cards?
- No.
- Do you run after other women?
- No.
- So why did you come to me?
- You see, doc, I have one little problem... I lie a lot.