Best Jokes

My landlord texted me saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.

I replied back: “Sure, my door is always open.”

"We have your son," said the kidnapper.

"I don't have a son," says the woman.

"Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crust off his sandwiches?"

"Oh God, you have my husband."

Her: What do you do?

Me: I race cars.

Her: Do you win many races?

Me: Not really, the cars are much faster.

What was the dog doing on the turnpike?

About seven miles an hour.